Chauvis.com

Dear Gentlemen and Ladies,

I am most honoured to welcome you to Chauvi's, the premier magazine for the discerning chauvanist. I would like to begin by delving into the word," Chauvinism" , lest it be misconstrued by certain uppity and militant factions, or the generally ignorant.

The word, "chauvanism" is derived from the French word, "chauvinisme", and was named after Nicolas Chauvin, a legendary French soldier famous for his devotion to Napoleon. "Chauvinism", in its primary usage, is a militant devotion to and glorification of one's country; a fanatical patriotism (perhaps some of our readers have had some experience with this?).

The secondary usage of "chauvinism" is, according to the American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language, volume three: "Prejudiced belief in the superiority of one's gender, group, or kind" (example; the chauvinism of making extraterrestrial life in our own image).

The natural, knee-jerk response of most uninformed persons is to automatically associate the word "chauvinist" with the word "male". The authors of this magazine feel that we would be sold short by such a short-sighted stigma (say this quickly, five times). To truly understand the spirit of Chauvi's, we are obliged to point out that the Chauvi's "outlook" is a feeling of superiority over ANYTHING that is NON- Chauvi's.

Simply stated, Chauvi's is a way of life for the person who feels him/or/herself to be better than just about anyone else. In our extensive experience, the true Chauvi's afficionado cleaves to a lifestyle that produces superior returns, on ALL fronts, to those of the "normal" or "NON- Chauvi's"-type-individual.

Sadly, though many of our readers will imagine themselves in this class, the mathematical improbability of a person actually possessing the qualities which would make them a Chauvi's candidate is staggering. Still, feel free to read our magazine; perhaps some of our Essence of Chauvidom will rub off on you.

I would like to use this opportunity to thank my distinguished and erstwhile colleague, Professor B.F. Curtains, whose unflagging efforts have made this publication possible. Also, I would like to thank all of the little people (of which there are many!!!) without which the aura of Chauvinism would not exist.

So read, study, enjoy, and learn! By all means, please feel free to submit an entry to our Letters Column; it will most likely be rejected as an inferior product unworthy of our magazine, but, who knows?

Warmly Yours,

FROSTY,
EDITOR